Self-love

I don’t know why an empty chair spoke to me for this post…

As an update from my last communique here: I recently underwent a profound internal transformation. The man I am with (same one), is a polar opposite from me in many ways, and the experience triggered a number of insecurities, as well as shed light on a number of undesirable patterns. Intuiting that running would only perpetuate the issues for me, I chose to stick it out, determined to learn the lesson that was being offered to me. To make a potentially long story short: I did a lot of personal inquiry, and finally discovered how to meet my needs on my own, and how to properly love myself.

I had known that in order to receive, you must give, and so wanting more love, I kept pouring more love into the relationship, but it never filled me up, until I realized that I needed to give myself the love I sought. Recognizing the ways in which I was abandoning myself, I re-assimilated, and fortified my foundation. From there, I was able to tell myself everything I’d longed to hear – and could only really benefit from hearing from me. Now, I feel steadily grounded, and really quite healthy. I have every confidence that I will never experience those old patterns again, and that I am well on my way to the partnership I desire :)

 

Exposed

My latest adventure is one of love. And, boy, is it a wild ride!

I generally prefer to communicate in writing (shocker), so I took a risk yesterday, and wrote him a letter, to express my thoughts and feelings on current circumstances between us. No real big kickers, just a lot of love, and some hypotheses and perspectives. I left it out for him, like my beating heart, on the table, figuring I’d get some response – even though I specifically stated within it, that none was needed – later that evening. It is now the following morning, and I’ve rarely felt so exposed.

I guess I failed to adequately consider the repercussions of what such a delay would do to me. Clarity is a big thing in my world, and it’s just the not knowing that’s really taking a toll on me. I trust that I could handle whatever his response might be, but without knowing how he took it, I don’t know how to move forward. I feel like I just put on a soul-soaked performance, and the audience is discussing how they want to react, while I just stand there on the stage, holding that final pose, wobbling, heart knocking, mind racing, worries multiplying. It’s awful to feel so insecure.

I even stated in the letter that I worry I’m too much, or not enough – too intense, not zen enough. I also stated that in my understanding of some heartache he is dealing with personally, I would be here for him, even if space is the only thing he wants from me. So, I suppose he is just graciously taking me up on that. I can’t help but fear that my concerns of overwhelming him are accurate, though.

UGGGH! If that’s true, I will persevere. I have learned so much from this experience already, especially about self-acceptance. So, if he doesn’t like the way I am, than I’m developing the confidence that someone else I like, will. Again, I could deal with whatever I have to deal with – I just don’t know what I’m dealing with!!

I wanted to vent this, and perhaps bring solace to anyone else who might be going through something similar – you’re not alone. What I would tell us both: This, too, shall pass. Take heart, dear one, and find gratitude for the blessings in your life. It will look different in the morning.

 

Shameless promotion

Hey-o :D

Man, I am really digging this coaching stuff. So much so, that I would dig it even more if I had more people to coach! And that is why I am using this here blog of mine, to do a little shameless promotion, in an effort to help get the word out, and potentially make some new connections. Let me tell you a little bit about what I do.

I help folks achieve better balance and brighter bliss; I aid people in the attainment of their goals; and I encourage individuals to “embrace life with a holistically divine perspective”. Like a personal gardening tool, I work with clients to upgrade their skills, master their psychology, strategize new actions, clarify their direction, and optimize their environment. “Spade” and grow :)

Just for fun, I created this “How balanced are you?” quiz – take it, and see where you land. Feel free to share the experience, too!

Wishing you a blissful moment :)

<3

 

My treatise

A few years ago, I decided to compile all the bits of wisdom I had accumulated over the course of my personal development. This year, I committed to finishing it, and I succeeded.

For whatever reasons, a local publisher deemed that it was not sufficiently marketable for publication. I suspect it might have at least something to do with my lack of standardized credibility. Nevertheless, I have this “book”, or treatise, as I’m now inclined to call it, and I still want to do what I’ve always wanted to do with it, which is to share it with the world. So, I’ve gone ahead and made it available to anyone with a computer and an internet connection.

I present to you: The Omni Approach.

It is a pdf, and just under 50 pages. Enjoy it at your discretion and/or leisure, and feel free to disseminate :)

 

What’s the word…?

A friend recently shared a fabulous find, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, in which creator, John Koenig, has invented new words for humanity to utilize, and wherein “each original definition aims to fill a hole in the language – to give a name to emotions we all might experience, but don’t yet have a word for.”

I was particularly struck by the “onism” concept, as I suffer from it myself, from time to time. That image above came from an article highlighting the project, and then I took a look at the source site, and found this beautiful video to accompany the word. The explorer in me wept at its conclusion.

The whole video series really looks quite remarkable. What an awesome adventure in the language of emotion and the human experience :)

 

Up and up

Surprise! I actually finished the manuscript of my book yesterday, and submitted it to a local publisher! I’m pretty excited :) Aaand, I’ve completed the core of the coaching course, and started working with practice clients – one yesterday, and one the day before. I just have a couple more bonus seasons in the course, and I’ll be totally done the day after tomorrow.

I’ve gone ahead and put up a website for both the book, and the coaching, as well as a Twitter. The title I’ve chosen is “The Omni Approach”.

Here’s the site.

I am so stoked about this path – I think I’ve found one beautiful version of my bliss :)

 

New year, new adventures

A beautiful mosaic here in Austin over on the east side

Happy 2015!

In yet another direction change, I have made the choice to try on a whole new career – Life Coach :D I actually hired one recently to help me get unstuck, and then I realized that doing what she does, fits remarkably well with who I am and what I value. Serendipitously, she even offers her own course in coaching :) My first priority, though, is to recover an income, as the dog training bit hasn’t really come together so well. Surprisingly, I have applied for a part time position at my credit union. The hours suit me, and I think it will be pleasant enough for the six months to a year that my education will take.

My New Year’s Resolution this year was a bit of a break from the past few years, where I had set intentions of the metaphysical persuasion. This year though, I have a rather concrete goal. A few years ago, I started piecing together a self-help book, comprised of my notes and learnings in personal growth and spiritual development. I aim to finish it in 2015 :) When pondering the nature of my future coaching practice, I realized that it will blend seamlessly with this book! I’ve gone ahead and titled them both the same, and I hope to launch them simultaneously :D (No spoilers yet; gotta keep those cards close.)

I’m really excited about my new journey. It’s so encouraging to finally have some clarity for a future that looks fulfilling. Still holding that hostel in my sights, but the path to it is looking much brighter :)

 

Grateful for my home

Cin on the road

I went away for Thanksgiving, to Colorado, to share the holiday with my mom and sister, and her extended family. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but that, of course, applies only to things of which the heart is already fond. The other day, I discovered just how fond I am of my new home. While I thoroughly enjoyed my visit, I was so thrilled to cross back into Texas. I have not felt such a sense of home and happiness in a very long time. It feels good :)

I brought my dog, so we drove. It was a lot of driving. I love it when she rests her head on the back seat and looks out the rear window :)

I hope everyone had a joyous Thanksgiving, and has much to be thankful for :)

 

Adventures in expansion

Hamilton Pool

Man, life really is good :) I finally made it out to Hamilton Pool, I’m getting involved in numerous social engagements, and income is starting to flow from all the seeds I’ve planted. I got my doggie nail trimming gig all lined up; I completed my first dog training session; I started a meetup to support established – and encourage prospective – solopreneurs; I’m getting the hang of couriering; and I get paid to be happy!

That’s right: I have decided that the belief, “I have to work hard to make lots of money” (and the corollary “truth” that if I don’t want to work “hard”, then I won’t make lots of money), is more limiting than empowering, so I rewrote it. A couple years ago, I established my personal mission statement as “spreading joy, with integrity”, and I have come to consider that my cosmic duty – for which the Universe employs me. In fact, the very next day after I embraced this new belief, I received a payment from the sale of my prior business :) I have also made efforts to enhance my karmic flow by affecting an increase in giving. The day after I let go of my resistance to giving something that was presenting as somewhat of a hardship, I received that dog training gig. The feedback I’ve been getting from these decisions has been pretty remarkable. I’m more motivated than ever to strengthen my blissipline!

I find it invigorating to have things to look forward to, and right now, I’ve got a few goodies lined up: I’m taking a trip to Colorado to spend Thanksgiving with family :) A dear friend of mine is coming for a visit in December, and will be staying with me through Christmas morning :) A great friend and inspiration is facilitating a workshop in which I will (again) participate (it was, in fact, the stimulus to start this very blog), which begins in March :) I also have a job I have to do, that I am very excited, anxious, and nervous about: I must approach – as in go and knock on the door of – this house near my home, and charmingly explain that I am on a mission to support community and sustainability by way of an eco-hostel here in Austin, and that their property has captured my attention, and I am interested in discussing its future, perhaps over coffee or tea sometime… Ughhh! What if they slam the door in my face?? That house is so perfect, and so neglected. I have to try (I’ve asked Omni to let me know, sometime before the end of the year, when it’s the best time to do it), but I have all my hope right now in that one basket. Alas, if it does not go as I desire, the better route lies further ahead. Anyway, great things in my near future :)

Those enriching social engagements I mentioned include a philosophy group on Integral theory, a discussion group on spirituality, a women’s group for fun and support, a networking group for solopreneurs, a happy hour for the local couchsurfing community, and more opportunities than I’ve had since I got here to take people up on random outings. Good things :)

Life is better when it operates on your terms. Fer sure.

 

Back in the groove

Well, I’ve jumped off a cliff again. I’m back to solopreneuring it, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. I feel incredibly relieved, and I also have to repeatedly shake off a nagging hesitance, due to social conditioning telling me to be afraid and to stop this foolishness at once. Fortunately, I have a pretty profound reservoir of faith, built up by my own experiences, as well as the stories of some truly amazing and inspirational people who have forsaken the norms, and achieved boundless success. I just keep adding to my spiritual tool bag, and I am increasingly confident that I can not only pull this off, but thrive like never before.

It’s funny that a groove and a rut are such similar things, but become polar opposites when in reference to your life. I was in an icky nasty rut, and I feel like I am returning to a path that is vastly more harmonious with my personal vibration. It’s like coming home. I have no fear, and every kind of excitement. I can fly, and can swim, and I can fly. What’s next? Bring it! Last time I did this with my career, I made the analogy of jumping off of a cliff, and hoping to stitch together a parachute before I hit the ground, and that’s what it felt like I did. This time though, I feel like I’m just getting back into the air, where I belong. There may be more uncertainties with this lifestyle, but I navigate them better than monotony, and besides – I’ll take freedom over security any day ;)